when I Die
These art pieces were created with Nikki Giovanni’s words in mind. Her poem, “When I Die,” struck a nerve in me as I related to the raw, unfiltered, and unapologetic words she conveyed. I listened to Giovanni’s words and illustrated the following images as I leaned into my feelings of experiencing a “Judas Kiss.”
When I Die
By Nikki Giovanni
when i die i hope no one who ever hurt me cries
and if they cry i hope their eyes fall out
and a million maggots that had made up their brains
crawl from the empty holes and devour the flesh
that covered the evil that passed itself off as a person
that i probably tried
to love
“Tears for When I Die”
I thought Giovanni expressed how being betrayed or hurt by someone close could provoke thoughts of karmic revenge, but I made note that she portrayed this feeling in a way that reflects the way someone feels when their betrayer tries to show remorse or care of their victim’s well being, or lack there of.
You may want those who hurt you to pay, but only because they had the gall to show any care towards your being after they’ve hurt you.
“Justice For When I Die”
Karmic revenge probably feels like justice, especially when you are dealing with someone whose sole intent was to manipulate and exploit you. Watching someone who hurt you experience discomfort or pain may feel as a justification for what they put you through. Giovanni’s words push the raw and unfiltered vulnerable emotions that can come with being betrayed, so let the maggots feast…
“Truth for When I Die”
To feel vindicated after being betrayed seems satisfying and Giovanni’s words towards the end of her poem tell me that justice will be served as a part of that satisfaction. This satisfaction isn’t that the betrayer has felt pain, but that it reveals how evil that being truly was and you weren’t the one who was “crazy.”